The Muse Hears From a Truly Honorable Man

Yesterday, I spoke with a remarkable human being. No posing, no false fronts, none of that "say one thing, do another", that is so prevalent in our 21st Century society. I spoke with a man who has again taught me the meaning of honor in action.

He'd taught me that family is very important, but is not always biological, long ago. I'd long ago learned lessons from him on the meaning of duty, faithfulness, strength and courage. He is blessed with great capacity for discretion and huge intellect. He chooses his battles carefully and treats his friends as family should treat their own. I am privileged to call him my friend. I am honored he calls me his.

Yesterday, he taught me again the meaning of honor. Of living true to yourself. Of being absolutely honest to God, honest to God. Most importantly, his life is a lesson in living so that all that you meet, and call your friend, you treat as sisters and brothers should treat each other in a perfect world. He never takes the easy way when the way that is right is available, if difficult. No excuses, no aplogies. Just his personal yardstick of justice that is measured first by doing nothing that would harm others, innocents, when seeking justice. If his loss is great using that measure, so be it.

He will not cause harm to innocents when he can avoid it, no matter the financial cost or the discomfort it causes him personally. There is no price too great to avoid harming innocent people. None. Personal gain is not ever the measure of his actions, and he is the richer for it.

The details aren't important although our stories though have a common thread.

His family, in order to take money from him, lied about my friend. They lied boldly. Publicly. Their lying was calculated and huge. Not the little lie about who was where at a particular point in time.

Their lies, like those of my own family members, were of the type that deny the particular direction from which the sun rises. I learned this from my friend as I have also recently been on the receiving end of some ugly, blatantly false, rumours started by my own family. None of the details matter.

What counts is this. This is what he said. "The greatest harm was not to me, but to my children." Some would say the great financial loss was a huge harm to him. They would be wrong in is his estimation. Some would say retaliation would be justified. He does not, as collateral damage would also increase the harm done by the initial misdeeds.

And now, after thinking on it, I must agree with him. There were those in his family who didn't participate, and they would be harmed if he retaliated. His children would be harmed more if he retaliated also. Not financially, but in ways that tear the fabric of their view of family in ways that could not be mended for generations.

And so, no retaliation in the obvious ways, using courts, and laws and judges. No retaliatory rumours floating around either. Nor shall I engage in such rumours. We have the sort of friendship where secrets are told, and secrets kept, forever.

Now, that's a real hero. Not once as I was hearing his tale of familial scheming and dirty deeds that make Hamlet's clan look like pikers, did he mention the great pain his family had caused to him nor did he sound as if he were hanging onto that pain as if it were a life raft. He simply let it go. And he did what is just. And right. He did nothing that would further harm his own children or those that are nearest to him.

After all, those that know him best, know that no matter what is said about this giant of a man, know that whatever rumours flowed from his family's misdeeds, must be false. And we demand no proof. That is the legacy of honor.

He acted in the tradition of Saladin, whose own life provided the framework for the code of chivalry. Think Richard the Lionheart. Think of the best code of honor, not in aspirational form (evident in those same Crusades), but in real life form, made more vivid, and walking tall among us. That is my friend.

He is honorable not for merely religious reasons, but is honorable for his unbreakable personal code of honor. He is honorable because he believes justice is immutable, and not always for us mere humans to dole out in anger, hurt, frustration or revenge.

When your own flesh and blood conspire to harm one of their own, there is immediate pain and the sort of injury that can cripple and may never truly heal. But such injuries do not cripple this man, nor do they cause him to miss a step. He's seen it all. He understands that motives such as greed, envy, lack of moral compass and plain old nastiness, can make people do some pretty horrendous things. His family did pretty much the worst they could do to him. And he has risen above it all.

He has done, and will do, nothing to punish them although punishment would be an easy course and richly deserved. He could let a court sort it out. He let them get away with informing the world life was death, greed was good, false witness was no problem. That is for God to sort out.

He never thought of doing evil to those that sought evil against him. Honis soit qui mal y pense. Shamed be he who thinks evil. The watchwords of the British Knights of the Order of the Garter. There is nothing in that admonition that requires armies or courts to impose any richly deserved punishment. He could have done much. He could have inflicted much pain on those that did him wrong. He'd be justified, but perhaps not as honorable in so doing.

His choice, let them live with guilt, their inner shame, their greed, lust and envy, took the kind of discipline that is the stuff of the truly heroic. And yes, this man has demonstrated repeatedly that he is a flesh and blood hero, in the obvious venues of military service, and fulfilling duty to his own family, humanity, his community and his country.

Perhaps he doesn't want to be dragged through the muck to right a wrong. Deeds as were done to him would involve much muck dragging to set things right. There would also be dishonor brought to his family name, which could be motive enough to do nothing. His choice though is not from any motivation involving cowardice when facing a fight. He doesn't want to merely collect a debt. He wants to let those doing evil to stew in it. Forever.

His decision is based on this. The punishment for breaking several of the Top Ten Suggestions as was done to him allows him to honor his parents by not seeking worldly punishment for the evil done to him. And, by walking away from this fight, he also kept his own honor. And preserved the honor of those in his family that have done nothing to him.

His own honor, much greater than that of his family's, allows this. He remains a man of highest principle. He will not harm those that did him no wrong, no matter what the cost to him, for innocents must never suffer to right a wrong. Ever. And innocent members of his family would suffer greatly if he sought the usual course of punishment for the misdeeds of a few. He's also counting on whatever shred of conscience in those that harmed him gnaw at those that did him wrong. That is a punishment on an eternal scale.

It is the path of honor. No matter what society might impose upon wrongdoers, the evil done to him will not be repeated against others in society, and so there is no need to punish anyone to prevent future harm. No price imposed by a court of law could ever truly right what was wrong, nor heal what has now irrevocably been broken.

And this is what I learned yesterday from a man who knows the real meaning of valor, honor and justice. The harm done to him was great. But to inflict harm on the innocent in order to right what was done to him, is not right, fitting or his duty. His duty is to choose the path where innocents are not harmed.

Whatever one can say about my friend, they must say this. He possesses honor others only dream of. He is a truly honorable man. I am honored he calls me friend.